Sex: Abstinence, Recovery, Purity- Matthew Femi-Adedoyin

Matthew or Apostle of Sex as he is fondly called (he actually lives up to his name) shared this with over 100 ladies on the Prima Donnaz platform last year. His session was simply explosive! Read through, thank me later!


Let me first of all state that, I will be completely raw here and some of my terms, slogans, and languages may challenge religious sensibilities. So, if you know that you are born again than Jesus or you know God more than Jesus, then you are in the wrong place. And thank God, this is not your church, I am not your pastor and this class is not physical, That is, there is every tendency that no one will know you are the one. So you do not have to pretend and I do not have to pretend like I don’t understand secularism.

We live in a world where loosing phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity. We place values on materials than even our lives. Our society is now a sex saturated one. We have heard and seen sex more than our forebears but we know nothing about it or we have deliberately perverse it. Please permit me to ask you a question:

Who or what was your very first instructor on sex? By instructor, I mean the first person or thing to exposed you to the subject of sex practical and/or theoretical. Your parents? A cousin? A friend? A magazine? A movie? A musician? A novel? If you are like me and many people I have come across, odds are you were introduced to sex not by your parents. I don’t also think it was done by someone who sat you down and in a rational, calm, and open way discussed what sex intercourse was all about. You, most probably would have had many instructors over the years. With different sources of information, you have now come to possess a body of knowledge on the very germane issue of sex and maybe you are now confused because there are contradictory messages on this subject matter. Now let me ask another question: SEX“What does this mean to you?

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I mean define GOSPEL OF SEX according to you. How confident are you about the veracity of your very own gospel of sex? Let me scream this to your ear, irrespective of your own version of the gospel of sex “SEX IS OF GOD. GOD MADE IT AND HE MADE IT GOOD. God is a sexual God, activities before and after intercourse to portray d physical depth of love in marriage. Someone may be thinking, ‘Haba, Matthew, how on earth can you use God with such a word as sex?? So you are saying sex, fuck, sushi, blow job, going down, Ere omo, hot sizzling jab on pussy are of God? Sweetheart, YES, it is, but it has been perverted and abused by us.

Sex means different things to different people and because I am not a religious person and I give room for liberalism, I have try to understand where different people are coming from. Sex, to a prostitute means Occupation, means of livelihood, business, a transaction where you pay something to get something. If you are here and your bobo, bae, boo pays you to go down on you hmmmmm, e be like say we go put you for the category of prostitute.

Sex, to a teenager means experiment, research, and test. She has been hearing it, she has been seeing it, so she wants to experiment with it or test how it feels. Sex, to an addict is a means to ease pleasure. To married couples, sex is a means to express marital love and for procreation. To Satan, sex means trap, setup, and To God, sex is covenant.

I have discovered that he most potent sexual organ in the universe is THE MIND. The real sex happens before the real action. My mind writes the script and my body acts the scene. Sex is powerful but it is not IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTROL. As long as you can control your mind, you will be able to control your sexual desire.

So, we have stated that sex is of God and it is good. We have also stated that the most important sex organ is your MIND. And we have also stated that people defined sex from their model of the world. Sex is not an event, it is a process. Events happen, sex does not just happen (unless you are a victim of rape). Sexual urge is an innate drive in man who is well acknowledged by humanity but today unlawful satisfaction of this drive has become the vogue. The level of immorality and our 21st century concept of morality have undoubtedly result to high level of licentiousness, sexual anarchy, ailing families and a life bereft of decency.

Illicit sex should not be seen merely as an individual’s seeking pleasure and having nice time, but a crime against the whole humanity as it is an obstacle against establishing the noble way of raising individual as legalised by God. Moral degradation has reached the peak and the sacred parts of man’s body are not considered sacred again. Increasing emphasis on materialism and the exaltation of sexual desire and their satisfaction over moral precepts result into perversion of human nature. The good sense becomes dormant and moral responsibility recedes into insignificance. Human nature degenerates to a level which is shameful even for the beast.

By not indulging in illicit sex, you will miss a lot. You will miss being a local champion, you will miss being used, you will miss the fear of being caught, you will miss guilt, you will miss destroying your reputation and integrity, you will miss being emotionally stunted, you will miss psychological trauma and you will miss exchanging your bright future for mere pleasure.

By design of God, the legal way for the satisfaction of woman’s sexual urge and also to prevent it from running wild is MARRIAGE. By getting married, you are licensed by God and man to have sex. Until then, guard your loins, close your lap and zip up.

“God has given us sex as a gift and it’s one to be thoroughly treasured, celebrated and enjoyed in marriage. God’s plan for your marriage is that you spend your entire lifetime learning and growing together” – Dr. Gary Smalley. Sexual relationship is not supposed to be a cheap thrill but rather the uniting of two individuals within the boundaries of marriage. Drink water from your own cistern (of a pure marriage relationship) and fresh running waters of your own well. Until a guy is declared yours by reason of marriage, you have no right to his privates.


To be continued…..

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Matthew is a Family Life Coach|Sex Recovery Therapist

Discover more about him at


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