ONOME ORAKA: HARNESSING THE BENEFITS OF SINGLENESS

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For many ladies, ‘Singleness’ is a stage they can’t wait to be saved from. As far as they are concerned, it has nothing to offer them apart from loneliness and restriction from enjoying marital privileges (for those who actually wait till marriage before having sex). My question to all the single ladies reading this post is ‘How effective is your life right now? The truth is that your single years sets the foundation of the quality of life you are going to have in the future. If you invest it wisely, you will continue to reap the dividends in decades to come. If you decide to those otherwise, well, you must be ready to face the consequences too.

Are you asking what the benefits of singleness are? I’ll outline some for you!

  1. Intimate relationship with God without distractions– As a single lady, you have all of the time to develop an intimate relationship with God. You are free from marital responsibilities which if not effectively managed may put a strain on your relationship with God. (No one says in marriage, you can’t have that. But the foundation setting starts in our single hood, and it’s easier because there are no distractions)
  2. Freedom to make decisions. As a single lady, you have the freedom to make quick decisions because you don’t have to take in the considerations of the opinions and feelings of others. You can decide to spend tonight in Ogbomoso, tomorrow in Lagos and no one will breathe upon your neck in fury.
  3. You have control over your time and resources: You have the sole decision over how you spend your time and your resources (particularly if you are an income earner). It’s easier to plan a budget and go through with that budget.
  4. Freedom to enjoy rich friendships: For those in a relationship, I am sure that they will agree that they can’t be as close as they would love to some friends (particularly males) in order to prevent their partners from being jealous. It’s heightened in marriage, and even worse if your husband is very jealous or highly possessive. As a single lady, you have the freedom to initiate and enjoy rich relationships which will be beneficial to our growth/development.
  5. Freedom to take up job opportunities– You can take up jobs which may require you to travel often, or in another country because you don’t have to consider someone else other than yourself. In fact there are some organizations that refuse to employ married job applicants because they believe they won’t be as effective as singles.
  6. Freedom from marital responsibilities and concerns- Successful marriage is hard work, and it requires a lot of sacrifice on the sides of both partners. As a single lady, you are free from these sacrifices.

How do we effectively maximize this stage?

  1. Deepen your relationship with God– Spiritual growth which comes as a result of deepened relationship with God is not a gift, it is a discipline. You are as close to God as you choose to be. Ensure you don’t go into marriage seeking for God; instead bring him with you to your marriage. Consistent word study and praying must be part of your daily routine. Seek God, not because you want his presents but because you want his
  2. Discover Purpose: Purpose precedes us- this means that you don’t design your purpose, you discover it. You discover purpose by simply asking God, by word study and also through service. It’s amazing how that we discover ourselves when we serve.
  3. Develop your gifts/talents: No one was born talentless; our talents are just in different measures. At your single stage, you should discover these gifts and talents and grow them. Exercise them; develop them till it becomes a skill. If you are gifted to write, take courses on writing. If you are gifted in drawing, take courses which will enhance your gifts. Don’t leave your gifts in seed form. Grow them, let people see the fruits.
  4. Learn new skills: Single hood is a time for you to learn skills- from graphic designing, to makeup, to fashion and jewelry, to interior decoration, to learning the art of business, the list is endless.
  5. Develop your mind: I’m sure you know we have a lot of pretty faces on empty heads. Please don’t be like that. Be vast. Be a solution provider, have answers. Exercise your mind in productive thinking. Be a well of knowledge. One of such ways is to read books. Another is to meditate on issues.
  6. Initiate meaningful relationships: Friends can either help you fulfil your destiny or hinder you from fulfilling your destiny. David had Jonathan, Samson had Delilah. I’m sure you know their ends, right? Seek out friendships with people who will inspire and challenge you to greatness. If you are the best among your friends, it’s time to have new friends.
  7. Work on your character: A lot of beautiful ladies actually chase potential suitors away with their character. Truthfully examine yourself to see if there are deficiencies in your character, and work to improve on them. Don’t make excuses for them, you choose weakness over strength when you do that.
  8. Attain some level of financial independence: There is nothing exciting about being broke. You shouldn’t wait till marriage before you start learning about finance or attaining financial freedom. Start now.
  9. Love yourself: The bible instructs us to love our neighbours as ourselves. It means you can’t truly love someone else if you don’t first love yourself. Loving someone cannot take the place of you loving yourself. True beauty is not physical appearances; it’s about your character. (See point 7)
  10. Have fun: Learn to have fun by yourself. Be content with your company, dance in front of the mirror, take yourself out, cook good meals for yourself, and pamper yourself. You are a queen; treat yourself like one.

 

 

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