So how much should you give of yourself in a relationship? How much should you reveal of yourself? Some of us are quick to rant about our life history, our past relationships etc. Is this healthy? Let’s see what Michelle has to say:
I gave myself to him, and he threw my love back in my face as if it were a piece of trash. How many times have you heard that comment or sounded it yourself? The truth is, most women give too much too soon. They immediately tell men too much about their past experiences and overload them with too much emotional data. Do you really want to hear about all his past relationships? All? Sometimes, that information can be helpful, but sometimes it can be damaging. Anyway, it’s safer for you to have more data on him than he has on you. Let me first explain that this is not about being deceitful. It’s about judging what information his heart can handle him without him looking at you in a judgmental light.
When you tell him about all your past relationships, he stores that information and it colors his view of you. And while God is faithful to forgive your past mistakes in relationships, men have a harder time with that. So, while he’s sitting there spilling his guts to you about all his past problems with women, don’t take that as a cue to spill all your beans.
There is a time and a place for sharing things that will directly affect your relationship down the road should you get married. Well into your relationship you’ll certainly want to share things such as physical problems, debts and concerns. But don’t share these things in the early stages of forming a friendship, especially if there’s a chance of nothing happening between the two of you. You can generally admit that you’ve been hurt before but God has been gracious and healing. This moves him into the area of wanting to protect your heart.
On the other hand, don’t be his mother or his nurse if you want to be his woman. Be kind, be nice, be supportive but leave some room for him to keep coming towards you. In short words, LET HIM TAKE THE LEAD!
Personal Note: It can be really tempting to chatter all about your past hurts and relationships to a man you are interested in. Maybe it gives us a feeling of intimacy- being able to share your deepest feelings and thoughts with another. In everything however, wisdom is key. There is no point in seeking intimacy with a man who doesn’t have a slightest interest in a future with you. Sometimes, let your head rule, not your heart.